The First 72 Hours: What No One Tells You About Leaving

Leaving abuse is often described as a moment of bravery.
A moment where the abuse hits a breaking point.
A moment where a survivor makes one of her most important decisions.

But what people don’t understand is this:
Leaving abuse is not an easy moment… it’s a difficult moment filled with uncertainty, fear, and the list goes on and on.

The first 72 hours after a survivor leaves abuse are some of the most dangerous and emotionally complex hours they will ever experience.

And yet, it’s the part of the story we talk about the least. I find this odd and this led me to writing this post. Personally, I can very boldly remember my first 72 hours. I remember the silence feeling loud, like my body didn’t know what to do without the chaos.

I remember second-guessing myself, but I also remember a flood of emotions when I realized the aspects of abuse I had endured over the years. Some aspects I did not even realize were abuse until I was out. I remember how disorienting it felt to be “safe,” while everything inside of me still felt like survival.

No one really prepares you for that part.

The part where you leave…
but your nervous system hasn’t caught up yet.

For those on the outside, it may be difficult to understand how leaving is not the most relieving of moments. When a survivor leaves, they are leaving behind everything they’ve known, stepping out of the “norm” that they’ve become so used to.

Why the First 72 Hours Matter So Much

When a survivor leaves, they are stepping out of a pattern of intense power and control. When an abuser has control ripped from their hands, they often begin trying to grasp at anything they can to take their victim captive.

This leads to escalation in abuse.

This is why statistically, the risk of severe harm or even homicide increases after leaving.

Not because the survivor did something wrong.
But because they disrupted the power dynamic.

Leaving is not the end of danger. It can be the beginning of the most dangerous phase of the abuse they’ve endured.

Just because the survivor has stepped away, doesn’t mean she is completely safe yet.

What a Survivor May Be Experiencing

In those first 72 hours, survival doesn’t look like peace; it often looks like chaos.
Facing the first 72 hours often brings about:

• Hyper-vigilance — jumping at every sound, constantly keeping an eye out for danger

• Emotional whiplash — a rollercoaster of fear, grief, relief, guilt… sometimes all within minutes or seconds of one another

• Physical exhaustion — fight or flight responses engaged for too long can often cause complete and utter exhaustion

• Confusion — “Did I make the right decision?” “What if I can’t make it alone?” “What if he finds me?” “What if he tries to take custody of the kids?” , the list goes on and on.

This is where many people misunderstand the journey of survivors.

Because from the outside, it might look like doubt. Sometimes this leads to people wrongfully questioning the survivor’s experience.

From the survivor’s perspective, it’s a nervous system trying to reconfigure and begin the healing process after prolonged trauma.

The Trauma Bond Doesn’t Break Overnight

Leaving doesn’t instantly sever emotional ties. No matter how long or how bad the abuse was, emotional ties are still built and often remain intact after leaving.

Survivors may still:

• Miss their abuser

• Want to reach out or communicate with their abuser

• Feel guilty for leaving their abuser

• Feel bad about removing children from their father, the abuser

This isn’t weakness. These aren’t wrong feelings. A survivor can know that leaving is the best decision and also feel these feelings. They can exist together, often in the same breath. It’s what happens when love, fear, and survival have been intertwined over time.

The trauma bond doesn’t disappear just because someone walked away.

And those first 72 hours?
Those hours are the hours that often bring about these doubts and feelings the most.

What Survivors Actually Need in This Window

Not judgment. Not questions like “Why didn’t you leave sooner?”. Not pressure to “stay strong.” Not saying “Well, at least you’re out now! You should feel good!”.

They need:

• Safety planning (secure location, limited contact, protection orders if possible)

• Calm, consistent support from safe people

• People who believe them without judgement and shame

• Help with meeting basic, necessary needs (food, clothing, transportation, safe shelter)

• Safe spaces to feel everything without shame

“Shame dies when stories are told in safe places.” -Ann Voscamp

Most of all, they need to know:

“It is normal to feel tons of different emotions at the same time.”
“You are not wrong for leaving. You have made a brave choice.”
“You don’t have to go back. There are safe spaces for you to heal. I want to help you.”

What the Community Needs to Understand

Domestic violence is not a private issue.
It is a community responsibility.

Because in those first 72 hours, survivors often rely on:

• Friends and family members who open their homes

• Advocates who answer late-night hotline calls

• Organizations, like The Hiding Place, that provide emergency resources and care

• Communities that choose to show up instead of push the abuse

  under the rug

Support during this window can be the difference between someone returning back to their abuser… or truly beginning to rebuild and begin their healing journey.

At The Hiding Place, This Is Where We Step In

We choose to walk with survivors through these first hours and beyond.

The ones where:

• They arrive with nothing but a bag… and their bravery

• Their hands are still shaking, tears streaming down their face

• Their voice is barely above a whisper and they are looking behind their shoulder every few minutes

This is where safe spaces and big hearts matters most.

Through our emergency support, advocacy, and individualized-care, we help create what many survivors have never had before:

Safety, Hope, Peace… even when everything inside them still feels like survival.

If You Take One Thing From This, Let It Be This:

Leaving does not automatically end abuse.
This end is only a new beginning, a beginning of unknowns and steps that require bravery and hard work.

When a survivor leaves, it is vital that we don’t just celebrate their courage.

We must also:

Stay.
Support.
Show up in the hours that matter most.

Because the first 72 hours?
These are the hours that matter most and help shape the survivor’s first steps towards healing.

Be the one,

Breann Griffin, Co-Founder and Co-Executive Director of The Hiding Place

💜 You can stand with survivors.
Your support helps provide immediate aid, safe spaces, and healing opportunities for survivors rebuilding their lives. Donate HERE to support our mission.